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Mesaj Scris de red_light la data de Joi 25 Sept 2008 - 11:08

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?""Only when he's been drinking."

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Mesaj Scris de red_light la data de Joi 25 Sept 2008 - 11:11

A HUGE black guy walks in to a bar.

He goes to a little white guy and took his drink.

Then the black guy looks at the white guy and says "Got a problem with that?"

So the white guy says "You know what? I've been having the worst fucking day you can think of.

In the morning my wife told me that she is leaving me, than I got fired at my job, then I discover that my car got stolen, and now when I try to kill myself you drink my god-damned poison!"

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Mesaj Scris de Emi la data de Joi 21 Oct 2010 - 17:28

The Old Perfesser (TM, dammit!) poses the following problem to one of
his classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go
to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his
brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Pauly raises his
hand and says, “A lawyer?”

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